A rocky road forged my destiny

Folks

2008-03-26T02:38:25Z

The Prodigal Son is here once more. Today I wrote. Generally I would not be making any kind of anything about something as generally basic about this. However this marked the first time in over four months that I picked up the pen, let the ink flow, letting my thoughts be transferred onto paper thus becoming even less understandable. I bought a new book to motivate/shame myself into writing everyday as was once the custom. Whatever I'm just trying to get back to all writing venues.

well then
good night to anybody foolish enough to have read this.
The Brown Seagull

Geech asks: What are reasons/excuses for me to get a top hat?

overlord

2007-06-28T02:40:34Z

I'M A LION

I SEE IN THE DARK

HEY

2006-11-16T04:23:39Z

So it's been a while, ITB has since passed as well as LAV and most of my first semester of college. Lately I've been trying to find validation in stupid things and keep failing get it, first I want to apologize to everyone whos has been on the receiving end of my emotional blunderbuss when this happens. I know, though I hate the fact that its true, that it is not always possible for them to be there on the split whenever I need them, Iknow that they aren't freaks that dont sleep, I know that they have their own trials to deal with and that we are al dealing with the same shit on different level. A lot of my time to think lately has been in my car whilst blasting by alone, my breath hitching when I see the tach needle fall, my annoyance flaring every time I get stuck behind some moron forcing me to go 35 all the way to field's, realizing that I have 20 minutes to get gas or risk having to finish the trip on foot, during these times I have found that it is not necessary to have the cheer squad with you, that just knowing that if they could they would be there is enough to let the complete loss of control be halted one more day. For the last couple of weeks I've been afraid to go to sleep because I know hat when I do embrace Morpheus a scant couple of hours will pass and I will ake up to another day of blah. I am terrified of the day my uncle, the Doc a man who I love more than I can really put into words, comes back after sepnding a year in Afghanistan. As much as I butt heads with my dad I am aprehensive of when he goes back to Higuey. I don't know. I have been able to get some good knowledge pumped into my head these last months which lets me know it's not been a complete waste, which is good, small victories add up to make this hectic period seem finite. I don't even let the ink flow anymore.

I'll continue this tomorow.

16 and counting

2006-03-05T19:50:37Z

In 16 day I graduate for this hellhole known as ITB, then I can once more be with mine. My kitchen, my music, my room, my hookah, my beer, my bed, my fucking firends. They stopped making Gauloises, this might be the last pack I ever smoke, it only took me 18 months of living in watertown to get a pack. Life needs more coffee. Last week I found friends i had not seen for three years. Florida still stings, Watertown soothes it. I'm a spare part to a big green machine that i tend to disagree with and owns me for six years. 5.56mm, 7.62mm, 40mm, these things have become too important, what ever happened to books and hugs?
Who is my enemy? Ahh I will be told when I need to know, till then at ease. Fuck you. Remember that books and bullets make their own destiny. I need a cup of coffee, a cigarette, a pen and some paper to defile, at least I have some music with me. What happened to blasting though the streets in a shitty car blaring music form a partially functional sound system mutilating the art with my howling? Putting on a thrifted suit, a fedora, skiny tie, a pack of camels and a flask full of something and wondering around the wrong part of town at an obscene hour, then going to mo's and having 8 cups of coffee? Drowning in the past. Is it a bad thing? Fuck it 16 days.

geechmarquise @ 2006-02-05T14:38:00

2006-02-06T00:48:40Z

Once more I have let myself fall into the ocean and let it carry me as it desires, to drop like a ball and bob to an fro in the waves and see what beach I wash up on. Ten weeks till I return to the place I consider home, ten weeks to drift. I don't mean that in any negative sort of way, its just that I got tired of feeling bad so indiference has become the law of the land. The week passes as a blur of cold and needless standing around, sleeping under the stars afraid of tantulas that might find my sleeping bag a good place to live in, missing everything I left at each of my stops, desiring music and finnally the arrival of the weekend. The weekend involves spending to much money, no martinis, tolerabl coffee, the everpresent cigatrette, some music, walking through downtown wondering how it would be if me friends were with me. Tiger Army next week, I miss Horrorpops and Floggin Molly, then Alkaline Trio and Against Me!, it's not all bad. Not wirtting or reading enough, it hurts, Doc is in Afghanistan, that hurts, anyways Carpe Momentum cos you never now where you are gonna find yourself.

If I know you give me your fone number I dont have any with me.
Geech's asks: Is it "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

hmm... It's late

2005-12-27T10:14:27Z

The glass is alway half empty or less, life is bothersome but what are you gonna do. There is too much allegory and metaphor in everything. People are just there to use you for the next five minutes and then let the next horde have your sanity, humans fucked up the planet. People are just shit you get in trouble for killing. I am a stereotilpically morose and depressed youth. I lost an old friend and a cousin in the last two weeks, my uncle had another stroke and another cousin wrecked his car and came out with a broken pelvis. I am an Infantry man. I don't take medication, I'm oversexed at times. Lizards bother me. I fucking hate cauliflower. Not enough music in the world. I can't hold a note or sing on pitch. The world has been ruined by politics. Make a smart ass liberal remark, to the convos: make fun of me for being to green. I defend your first amendment, you supress my second. FUCK YOU, you fucking self-important hippie. Read The Joy Of Cooking. FUCK YOU again. Dry your eyes mate, in half an hour you'll buy something new and the hurt will eveaporate. You speak of revolution yet live in a suburb. Hyporcrite. You fucking suck. Am I angry? yes I am, fuck you and your colleges, fuck your weekend retreats, fuck your almighty creator, fuck your pick-up and your country, fuck your life. Sometimes you must live for the the big I. Fuck Ideals, be a goddamn realist, your ideals though hopeful and in beleif of the good of the human race are childish and fucking imature, just as my use of profanity is. I will eat beef and anything else I please, I'm not bound by some higher "moral" calling to say no to meat and animal products, you deny our programing and instics. In short fuck you my dear friend, I'm tired of your bullshit and you holier (sp) than thou bullshit. Remember that Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. Say what you will. I will smile the spit in youyr face.

Blessed blah

2005-07-14T02:46:26Z

Today was one of those days that just are. Hunng out with some friends, wathced a movie, longed for other friends but in the end it possesed that quality of not being fucked up. It's one of those occasions where you think " purgatory type stuff happesn to not to terrible people" or somthing like that I guess. On another front this saturday I return to the Rochester/Brockport/Hamlin are for Mike's grad party, it will also be a sort of homecoming for me, it's been two years plus since I've seen most of the people I will see, it makes me tingle. As I write this I sit listening to this old trance/techno/chillout mix of mine that's been with me for a while, it's as though my subcon is reacting to these news and adjusting accordingly. I find it pleasurable to feel good once more.

Here is an entry I posted yesterday else where that I found to be cathartic and I think it helped gain a bit of closure on the trip that these last years have been:

Summer, one last chance to piss time away in our youth. With fall at our stoop people that I've become attached to will leave many never to cross my path again. But by now I should be used to it, what are the chances that I will interact with anybody from B-Town other that my tight mates. Same story with Florida. This post however is not for lamenting the loss of what could have been but to celebrate the fact that my friends are going off to college, that they have new relationships, that whatever, just to have fun, while I will always miss die kalten Winternacht by the canal with my mates we all go forward. In September some of us pick up books and some of us rifles, in the end its us working for our ideals and our futures, so I guess what I'm trying to say, quite belated I know, Congrats to the Class of 2005, Brockport, Plantation, Watertown, Arlingtion and everywhere in between have fun my friends and succeed at whatever you choose.

The poeple I spoke about in the first sentence where the people I met here, and I feel I must say that this has been the most welcoming place of my travels. Aside from my old mates you were all the best.

Cocaine man!

2005-07-10T04:58:55Z

So tonight I did my thing where I go walking to not be home and as I'm walking by the bar across the street from the gas staion some dude asked to speak to me, being the super duper cool dude I am I heard his plight, then started asking me about selling him some rock, then I was all like "what" and he was all like " rock...cocaine man" then I was all "nah bro, I don't do drugs" and he was all like " sorry man" this happened after he told me not to mind the cops that flew by us doing like 75. I continues my walk to Moe's searching for a cup of coffee but feeling inadequate and alone I walked past, I'd purchased Spirits at the gassette they were cool, and on my way home I leave Mer a message about my pseudo crack deal and then call Joe and tell him about it, I walk not one block when I see the dude cross the street and ask some other dude the same thing. Needless to say I was a little freaked, I stopped at the gassette again this tyme for drink and ran into Leah which was cool. When I got home the uncool feeling prevailed which was to say the least ... uncool. I have no bacon bits and no way to get in touch with dear friends in other places. It's like everything just broke down within the same week. this on top of my troubles with the doc. Blah, I feel so gah sometimes, people just bother me I dont get it.

Stereotypes

2005-05-22T02:34:04Z

You scored as Punk/Rebel.

</td>

Punk/Rebel

69%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

50%

Drama nerd

50%

Stoner

44%

Goth

44%

Loner

25%

Ghetto gangsta

25%

Geek

19%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

Moroseness, is that a word?

2005-05-22T02:10:53Z

My best friend has been galivanting about Europe for the last 10 days and I am angry at existence for providing me with yet another saturday night in which I stay alone and sober with no chance of human contact whatsoever.(Random drunks about town do not count as "human.") Hanging out with Mer derustifing her bike, then mad cookery 'twas fun and it made me wish I had my bike here so that I may engage in the doing of stupid things. Rochester stays in the background like a memory that becomes more and more faint every day. Things that not so long ago I could recall to the most minute detail have become hazy descriptions, it's all quite sad really. I wish I, like many of me friends, could enjoy that feeling of knowing what is ahead, that in fall there is a nice campus waiting for me or some such shit. Any of that sappy crap would do really, just feeling something positve or at least not so negative. Ranting again, it's so easy to fall back into old habits. I say adieu now and hope that this nochy goes better for you than it has for me, that and remember

Carpe Noctem

geechmarquise @ 2005-04-23T00:55:00

2005-04-23T04:57:18Z

Brake has been most uncool in fashion. Today being an insensitive jerk or something along those lines I'm not sure I seem to have ruined me friendship with meredith. I long for Btown. I don't know what is going on at all.

geechmarquise @ 2005-04-11T15:16:00

2005-04-11T19:16:35Z

Meredith made me a new layout.

She is a babe.

F'realz.

The Past

2005-04-11T00:36:10Z

Why is it that the things that we love most tend to make us cry and we look fondly back on those memories that hur. Looking through Gaby's journal I was thinking back on summer once more, I guess yearning for what is no more defines me, and reading the old post that she wrote when she was about to leave for Boston and I almost wept. The way in which she could so throroughly define all of us by just pointing out a single memory, it was so stron that I couldn't help but shake my head when I read about the ones I knew and feeling like i knew the ones that I did not. Why is it that people that we meet just passing by seem to affect us so? Why is it that the memory of 4 crazy nights reshapes the way you look at everything if even for just a moment?

Anoche

2004-11-27T23:38:02Z

Hey y'all I'm all in Mass this weekend and whatnot, it's pretty cool being with Gaby and it not being summer, though it does make me miss DR a fair bit. Yesterday hungout with Gaby and Becca and some of their friends which was cool, it's like I had forgotten what it felt like to just chill with your friends and not have to worry about anything other than burning the popcorn and getting home on time. A feeling that I found I missed quite a bit, a comforting feeling. Before I forget mad ups, to use the vernacular of our times, to Shawn, Ben, Jess, Nathan, Anna, Jacob, Gaby, Becca, David Bowie's bulge and the glitter industry for an awsome night.Unfortunately all things, normally good ones, must end, i have to go back to Watertown tommorow and while I like the place somewhat and miss my friends but after being in an enviroment of poeple whom I like and close to a metro area its hard to leave. Anywhoo latr.

Geech asks: Whats up with female people all confusing me and whatnot?